This past weekend all the missionaries had the opportunity to participate in a healing retreat hosted by Dr. Bob Schuchts. I learned a lot and recognized the need for even greater conversion in my life. I realized that I underestimate the power of God to heal in all areas of our life…physical, emotional, and spiritual healing…And He does do great miracle to heal. He gave us a lot to think about and pray about. One thing that really struck me was the idea that sin causes wounds in our life, whether it is our own sin and or others that affect you. If we don’t look at those wounds and work towards healing in those areas…otherwise the wounds usually cause us to sin… It is a lot to wrap your head around. I have a genuine desire to be a woman walking in Freedom and not acting out of my woundedness. It sounds so simple, yet I think I spend most of my time acting out of my wounds then going through the being uncomfortable and uncovering old wounds in order to heal them.
One of the highlights was meeting the priest journeying us this weekend, Father Oscar. He is a retired priest who was amazing and so dad like. He was so loving and had a willingness to journey with us. He was full of wisdom and was fun and funny to talk to. In confession, he had this uncanny ability to read my soul and challenge me to more…He was amazing. It made me realize how powerful our sacraments are and how much love God wants to pour out on us in Mass and in Confession.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Being His!
So I have been a little slow in updating my blog. I really have no excuse except that I become completely overwhelmed with the amount of things to talk about that I don’t know where to start. Since my 8 day retreat, God has been continually calling me out more and more deeply, pretty much in every area of my life. I want to look at Him and say “you are my number 1, I will follow you anywhere”, but usually I end up putting stipulations and suggestions attached to whatever and where ever He is calling me. It frustrates me, yet I don’t know how to stop doing it. Please pray for me.
Living in Community is crazy. I have learned to love in a whole new way, and also to see so many of my own faults and ways I fail to love. It is so much harder than I thought it would be, yet so good all at the same time. I can say that I truly love everyone in this community. And I can only pray that I learn to love them better each day. Praise God!
The time here is flying by and the question I get asked most is “what are you going to do next year?”. Oh…if I only knew! ☺ I have learned this being here though…it is less about the title or what you do verse about who you are in Christ. So I am not really that worried. I could really do anything, the more important question that is burning my heart is “who am I going to be?”. God is calling me to be His “beloved” and so often I settle for less than that. After all it is so much easier to be less than that instead of really trying to live into the title of “beloved”. Hmmm maybe in my next 30 years of life I will figure it out.
So I don’t know what my job will be next year, I don’t know where I will be next year, I don’t know what my vocation is going to be, I don’t know really what God is calling me to do….but I do know that I am His, and there is incredible peace in that.
Living in Community is crazy. I have learned to love in a whole new way, and also to see so many of my own faults and ways I fail to love. It is so much harder than I thought it would be, yet so good all at the same time. I can say that I truly love everyone in this community. And I can only pray that I learn to love them better each day. Praise God!
The time here is flying by and the question I get asked most is “what are you going to do next year?”. Oh…if I only knew! ☺ I have learned this being here though…it is less about the title or what you do verse about who you are in Christ. So I am not really that worried. I could really do anything, the more important question that is burning my heart is “who am I going to be?”. God is calling me to be His “beloved” and so often I settle for less than that. After all it is so much easier to be less than that instead of really trying to live into the title of “beloved”. Hmmm maybe in my next 30 years of life I will figure it out.
So I don’t know what my job will be next year, I don’t know where I will be next year, I don’t know what my vocation is going to be, I don’t know really what God is calling me to do….but I do know that I am His, and there is incredible peace in that.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Silence is Golden!
Happy New Year! I started the new year in a radical, grace-filled way. God had put it on my heart since August to do a silent retreat, so when the opportunity was given to do an 8 day silent retreat, I signed up. Was I completely confident that I could do it? Absolutely not! How does one be quiet for 8 days straight, by themselves…with just God. Was I nervous? Absolutely! Yet there was something calling me to do it, and I knew God was calling me deeper into his heart.
The first couple of days was about quieting my heart. I didn’t realize how much noise I had in my life until I was there in utter silence. It was uncomfortable at first…I felt awkward…but I dove into the meditations I was given to do through out the day. On the third day He began to really talk to me, and as I dove into the scripture meditations, the prayer time, spiritual reading and journaling, God began to peel away layers of walls that I had built up around my heart that I didn’t even know was there. He was opening me up to hear His voice in a way I haven’t heard it before. It helped me to understand that I am intimately His.
I used to think that God talked in a big booming voice, letting people know his wrath…now I know He speaks in a gentle whisper, letting me know how much I am loved, how much I am forgiven, and how beloved I am…even when I am not worthy of receiving those gifts. Those are the times He pours them out the most, when I deserve it the least. His voice is healing, comforting, and unwavering.
I used to think that I knew what holiness was, but I don’t. I have definitely had glimpses of it from people in my life, but I feel like up to this point I have done holy things, but had not been called so deeply in relationship with Christ that I honestly would say “I would die for Him”. Now there isn’t a shadow of a doubt, I would die proclaiming His name from the rooftop. I feel like I know Him that intimately…I have that much confidence in the message of Love He proclaims. And the coolest thing is it is available for all. My heart burns for others to know this in their lives!
How do you sum up one of the most blessed weeks of my life. Radical Love! By the end I was so at home in the silence it was hard to readjust. It was hard to begin to carry out the call to deeper holiness and love that He is asking me to live out. I have fallen a lot in the 3 days of talking that I have had since the retreat has ended, but in the midst of those falls, I have run to Him, and asked to help me stand back up and try again. I feel like a toddler trying to walk…hopefully eventually I will be able to take some steps! Until then, I will keep practicing with patient confidence in the Lord.
God Bless!
The first couple of days was about quieting my heart. I didn’t realize how much noise I had in my life until I was there in utter silence. It was uncomfortable at first…I felt awkward…but I dove into the meditations I was given to do through out the day. On the third day He began to really talk to me, and as I dove into the scripture meditations, the prayer time, spiritual reading and journaling, God began to peel away layers of walls that I had built up around my heart that I didn’t even know was there. He was opening me up to hear His voice in a way I haven’t heard it before. It helped me to understand that I am intimately His.
I used to think that God talked in a big booming voice, letting people know his wrath…now I know He speaks in a gentle whisper, letting me know how much I am loved, how much I am forgiven, and how beloved I am…even when I am not worthy of receiving those gifts. Those are the times He pours them out the most, when I deserve it the least. His voice is healing, comforting, and unwavering.
I used to think that I knew what holiness was, but I don’t. I have definitely had glimpses of it from people in my life, but I feel like up to this point I have done holy things, but had not been called so deeply in relationship with Christ that I honestly would say “I would die for Him”. Now there isn’t a shadow of a doubt, I would die proclaiming His name from the rooftop. I feel like I know Him that intimately…I have that much confidence in the message of Love He proclaims. And the coolest thing is it is available for all. My heart burns for others to know this in their lives!
How do you sum up one of the most blessed weeks of my life. Radical Love! By the end I was so at home in the silence it was hard to readjust. It was hard to begin to carry out the call to deeper holiness and love that He is asking me to live out. I have fallen a lot in the 3 days of talking that I have had since the retreat has ended, but in the midst of those falls, I have run to Him, and asked to help me stand back up and try again. I feel like a toddler trying to walk…hopefully eventually I will be able to take some steps! Until then, I will keep practicing with patient confidence in the Lord.
God Bless!
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